I was out on a 16 mile trail run and at about mile 9, my knee was hurting just as bad as if I hadn't done anything. I've been working really hard at all the physical therapy, how could I still be hurting? Then my brain started running through my options. Can I just quit this? is this whole thing worth anything to me? What is it worth? Screw this, I'm done, it's too hard. Maybe I just don't want to do it. I stood and looked around at the mountains on all sides around me and it was sobering that I had no choice but to run out of there. The car was 8 miles away. I put my ace bandage on and kept going. This isn't going to beat me, not this time! Everything is in place for me, the coaching, the physical therapy. I mean, if this doesn't work this time, I really am toast. It really never will work out. I'll never be able to run far. So I have to see this through. In making that choice, I'm training my brain for race day. When I'm at mile holy $&@* and my body says No!, I need my brain to know that I can keep going.
I was 2 miles into a my 15 mile long run and feeling pretty good. Two older gentlemen rode up alongside me on the paved bike trail, they were riding short bikes, you know, the ones where you lay back and your legs stretch out in front of you ensuring that your back will be sore the next day. We shared the pleasantries of a wave, and they said to me, “You’re a serious runner, aren’t you?” That struck me as odd, since i don’t feel very serious, no more than the average runner. Okay, I do have my sights set on this whole idea of an ultra. (That’s 50 miles still, right?) I have only just come to grips with that number. And by grips, I mean I’ve been able to stow that idea deep in my brain and prevent it from bubbling to the surface and giving me panic attacks. But every runner has that challenge mileage that they’d like to do but seems just a bit out of reach. I don’t feel any more serious to be where I am now and having the goal distance of 50 miles, than I was two years ago when I was happy to just be able to finish 3 miles. Running is funny like that, the more you do it, and the more consistent you are with it, the more capable you are to finish longer distances. However, as I looked down at my survivalist style pack with hoses and straps and pockets for everything, I could see the two older gentlemen’s point. I sure looked serious, even though my pack was bright pink, so I replied, “Serious enough!”
Not even a week into this project, and I’ve been repeating what I’ve always been doing. Trying to up the miles, my knee hurts after 4-5 miles, I put up with it, ice it, repeat. If I was attempting this project on my own, it wouldn’t be long before that voice in my head would take over, “What are you doing this for, you’re just hurting yourself, stop it.” Then I would take a break, ranging anywhere from 1-2 years, and I’d be right back where I started from. Feeling lazy and wanting to get in shape and unable to run a mile without being completely exhausted. So when I got the email from my coach, Ian Sharman, I was devastated. He thought it best that I see a physical therapist to take a look at my knee pain. I thought I knew where this was going. Any sane doctor would tell me to stop, which matched the voice in my head, and I would just give up on running once and for all. After a day of feeling like I already let down Scott Jones of Becoming Ultra, knowing now that he should have picked someone else, I stopped whining and decided to make an appointment with a physical therapist. I asked around in the running groups I was in and found a PT that worked almost exclusively on runners. I went to see Ron Gallagher with Maximum Velocity PT and he was very optimistic. The pain I described wasn’t some strange unknown flaw in my anatomy that was gonna break with too many miles. I, like most people, had taught myself to walk with the least effort possible and hence didn’t have the muscles necessary to withstand the miles I was asking it to do. Instead, my knee was taking on a lot of the impact that should have been taken care of with my muscles. However, by improving those muscles and changing my gait to allow more shock absorption, I should be able to get to a point where I have no pain. Get that, NO PAIN!! Let me think outside the box here for a moment. What if…. pain wasn’t supposed to just be a part of running?
So... I was scouring the internet when I came across the Becoming Ultra call for applicants to Season 2. I couldn't help myself, it was just the kind of insane challenge I was looking for.
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AuthorI'm a runner, just like you, discovering if I can do the impossible. Archives
December 2015
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